In my house, there's been a mercy killing
The man I used to be has been crucified
And the death of this man was the final way of revealing
In a spiritual way to live I had to die
Now if I let the dead man linger in me
I might get a little idle in my ways
So I am going down to the celebration river
I'm gonna take this man down to a watergrave
My life starts new again in this month of April, 2013. The man I am speaking of is the insecure man who let's his former relationships continually assault his future. The former man never thought that he deserved to be loved. So he never expected to be loved. This man has had a mulitude of hatred spread over him by former friends and ex-wives. They make coordinated efforts to break him down as their fury is ever increased because of this man rising up to the challenge.
What I say is this, that old man is dead. The new me believes that I am loved, not that I am gonna be loved. I am loved, especially by me.
Due to the ex from 25 years ago and her getting wages garnished from her judgement against me. She lied to me when I got out of prison when her and her new husband asked to adopt my son. I had gotten out 9.5 years early and before I left the courtroom, the judge said, "I am letting you go on the arresting officer's word and signature. If I see you back in here for as much as a traffic ticket, You will do 9 and a half more years. Do I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?" I said, "Yes your honor." So their threats of the back child support scared me deeply. They told me that if I let them adopt for tax purposes, that they would let the back child support go. So, over the hood of a car, I signed the papers. They had also told me that he would know me as dad and that when my probation was over, they would reintroduce me to him. They lied!!!
I was never allowed to see him. They told him that her new husband was his dad. They had never intended on anything but separating me from him. They were successful. Who was I to argue? A convicted/pardoned felon has no self esteem. I moved on with life, contacting them semi annually to ask/plead to see my son. They kept telling me to let him get a little older. When he turned 16, I called and they responded to my by telling that they were going to put a restraining order on me if I called again. Previously, I had even offered to pay for his college. They would rather him drop out of high school and have no college than to know me. Such sweet loving parents they are. NOT!!
When he turned 19, I found him. I had been paying for his car repairs through his uncle.I sent Christmas and birthday presents through his grandmother. Of course he never knew that it wasn't them that the service and gifts came from. It was our secret. I bought him a car, a laptop, and a high end digital camera. At 19 he lived with me a short while then started acting like his mother and left. He doesn't talk to his grandmother, half sister, his aunt, or his uncle any more. He does this to keep his mother happy or so I assume... Of course, the x thinks that I ruined his life by getting him a job, a car, etc... He grew up with hoarders as parents. Their house if falling apart and is literally knee deep in trash. If the focused on their personal life instead of mine, maybe they would recognize the filth that they live in.
After he turned 22, the exwife found out that even though I let them adopt, that she could sue me for the back child support. She won in court, and won with interest. She did this to me while I was being divorced and unemployed. The x wives are best friends now. I am glad they have found love for each other. Their hatred for me is united....
So the new me moves on. The old THEM is only focused on the old me. It is so sad that they can't move on. The garnishments will be over in a year and I will really be free then WHEW WHOOOOOO!
The garnishments will cause me to lose my house. This house has 4 bedrooms, 2.5 baths, a game room, and a swimming pool.. I had dreamed of this house my entire life. Letting it go is hard but necessary.
In 1998, I was diagnosed with MS. IN 2001, they moved me to the corporate office due to my inability to walk for the third time in 2.5 years. This move set me up for great success. I made a career for myself. This move that I am forced into is only going to make my life better, just as the MS did.
Their attacks remind me of disease or virus. The virus has to live off of a host, unable to provide for themselves or accomplish anything at all worth while.
I thank God for where I am going, not for where I have been.
Love yourself and love others too.
Life is good
ME!!
